As I sit here thinking about Father’s Day I cannot, or maybe chose not to think hard about the hurt I still feel about my own dad being gone. I chose to think about another amazing man and father, my husband.
The man that I have been blessed with for 16 years now. This is the father I want to talk about. He has spent his entire life never knowing his father. In fact to this day he doesn’t know who his father is. His mother decided not only to keep him in the dark, she decided that the man didn’t need to know she was having his child. And just like that, with her selfish decision (because she didn’t want to share him with the father) my husband grew up without a father. And that loss was quietly present as he found out he was going to be a Dad.
When we got pregnant (yes I say we because I sure didn’t fertilize my own eggs) he was so nervous. He was worried that because he never had a father as an example, He wouldn’t know how to be one. His excitement grew with every doctors visit, every ultrasound photo, every little beat we heard of our son’s tiny little heart. He would bombard the doctors with questions about every little thing, making sure he had all bases covered. He had sympathy morning sickness, and even gained more than my 15lbs, somewhere near 20-25lbs. He read and spoke to my belly, hoping our son would recognize it after he was born. Because I was a high risk pregnancy I had to go to the doctor a lot, he wanted to be with me every time.
And then our son was born. This wonderful man sat by my side as the doctor had to cut my son out of me after the anesthesiologist left the OR before making sure I was numb enough. My husband sat there holding my hand and was so scared he would lose the woman he loves more than anything and the son he was so eager to hold. When the doctor told us our son’s heart rate was at a dangerously low rate, he held my hand as I looked at him and told him to take care of our son if I passed. When I nearly broke his hand as the pain reached a level I never knew before. I looked at him as tears fell from my face and the look was one I will never forget. It was filled with fear, love and pride. When he finally delivered our boy the doctor raised him up to let us see him. My husband was so happy, laughing as our son peed right in the doctor’s face. The love I saw in this man was so beautiful. I knew right then that this man who was so afraid he wouldn’t know how to be a dad, was going to be the best dad ever.
The first time he picked our son up he after he had changed his very first diaper ever, our son peed all the way down his shirt. He didn’t blink an eye. He smiled at this tiny little being in his arms with such adoration. I felt as though my heart could almost explode with love at seeing the man I love so much, holding the son we had prayed for.
All of his fears about him potentially not being a good father was for not. He realized not only did our son love for him to hold him, but even in the earliest of days our son responded to his daddy’s voice. He would turn his little head trying his best to find his daddy. Their bond was the most beautiful thing I have ever had the privilege to witness. My husband was and is amazingly a hands on kind of dad. He would come home every evening and take over the care of our son for a few hours, just so I could lie down and rest awhile. No kid or wife could ask for more love or care.
This wonderful goofy, kind and beautiful man has been by my side through major medical events. And never once has he flinched in his complete devotion to me and to our son. He is not perfect and has never claimed to be. But he is good hearted, funny, stubborn, watches WAY too much baseball and is a complete nerd…just like me. He will do without (as we both feel we should) so that our son can have whatever he needs.
About 4 years ago I had to have major surgery. And was in the hospital for 29 days, he was by my side the entire time, because he knows my fear of hospitals. Because of how good of a man he is, his work gave him paid leave so he wouldn’t be so stressed. They knew there would be bills rolling in and him would not be able to pay them. That is the kind of love and loyalty he inspires. That is that kind of husband, dad and mate. And the man I am so thankful that our son and I are truly blessed to have in our lives.
He is the kind of dad that when our son wanted to play tee ball, but didn’t want to be away from us, he stepped up and volunteered us to be coaches. We shared that experience every summer until 3 years ago when he got into the little league bracket. The joy this man of mine has when watching our boy play baseball is second to none. He paces saying he would be a better coach. That makes it somewhat hilarious to watch him. He looks at our boy out on the field and at the plate with almost child like happiness.
This man who was so afraid that he wouldn’t know how to be a Dad, is by far one of the greatest dads I have ever seen.
Fatherhood came to him seemingly easy. He was made to be a father. His kind heart and love a blessing that makes him a great husband and dad.
This dad is the most loving person I have ever met. He is there for us through thick and thin. He loves being a Dad, especially to a son like ours, who is so mature and intelligent. This man is simply the best thing in both our son and my lives.
We have been through Hell and back, lost our way there for a while. But we found it again and we three are a lot stronger for it.
Thirteen years of fatherhood now and he has never changed, our son is so blessed to have this man as a father. My husband tells me I am the reason he is a good dad, he says he has always watched me and learned what he needs to be as a parent. But I know without a doubt that even if I had passed on that OR table, he would have been every thing our child needed. He is quietly strong and he would give his life to save our son, without blinking.
This is the father I have the honor of celebrating this father’s day. And I cannot think of a better one.
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