Greatest Lesson Learned

“Mom you will have to help me with my homework.” says my 7th grade son.

I used to not even flinch at this being said, and then came things like common core. Who in the world thought this was a good idea… Was a complete butt munch. Let’s add 15 more steps to anything that kids and their parents already knew how to do, cause we don’t have enough to do already.
You see my son is a extremely intelligent kid, So he is in all advanced classes. Which means I have to attempt to learn things I have long since forgotten, in a completely different way than before.

It has been 16 years since I finished college. And in those 16 years I got in a wreck, got married, had a kid, had 2 miscarriages, got seriously ill, had 4 major hospital stays, nearly died twice, had major marriage issues, got divorced, lost my father who was my best friend, got back together with the husband, got seriously ill and stay in constant pain.  I have tried and failed many, many times throughout these years to be a good mom. A good mom, not just a good enough mom.

So much of the things he is learning in school is also rather new to me as well. And as much as I try, I come away fearing I have let him down. For me that is a soul crushing thought. Because even though I have always tried my best and even though I know my congenital illness is not my fault nor can i change the past. I am heart broken that sometimes I am not able to help him when he needs it. This is a new thing for me. I have never had to say “baby boy I don’t know how to do this”. And yet that sweet boy comes to me and piles up on the couch or in bed beside me, books and paper everywhere. He knows I cannot always help him, and still he comes to me for whatever help I can give him.

I used to think of those times that they were one sided as far as help and learning go. But as he and I have gotten older I know beyond a shadow of doubt that he is my greatest medicine I could ever have and the best example of acceptance and love I have ever known. He sees me in my darkest, most painful times and his old soul comes out to heal my heart and mind.

You see he is my miracle child. One I prayed for my entire life. That little man of mine… He is my heart. So whatever it takes to be his momma and help him I will try. Because he deserves me at my best, but loves me even at my worst. And that is the best lesson we have learned together.

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