Lying beside him in bed, hearing him in pain and trying to act like I am asleep, because he hates when he thinks he is not the strong one for me and our son. So I lie still and in my mind I pray for healing for him. I pray that if someone has to have that pain, let me take it for him. I have been in pain most of my life, he shouldn’t have to be.
My soul hurts seeing him try to tough it out, even with his pain meds, that only take the edge off occasionally.
No matter what happens or how he feels, he is always ready to help me, to take care of me, to love me unconditionally.
He is by far one of the most humble, sweet, goofy and lovable people in the world. He is genuinely a good human and he always has been.
My mother and anyone that has been around more than 5 minutes say they have never known of anyone who is so in love with their spouse as he is with me. He does not deserve to hurt like he does.
He never wants to show any weakness to me, he is afraid it will change how I feel about him, it won’t!
Little does he know that as I lay by his side and listen to his breathing slow and steady, when thankfully he has been able to sleep, I cry. Not because he is weak, but because he is an amazing man. I don’t deserve him to be quite frank, but I am thankful every moment of the day that he hasn’t realized that yet. And that he is my life mate.
As I lie there, tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes, I try to “make a deal” with God. Telling him I will never be who I was in the past, I will do whatever it takes, begging him to give me any pain my love has to suffer through. I know it is not my path to walk, I have my own health battles, but I love him so much that it tears me up inside.
Just this one time I get angry for what he has gone and is going through. Just this one time let me take his suffering. Just one flipping time!
Little does he know, when I see him, I see a hero, a nerd, a amazing dad, the best friend I could ever ask for, my heart. He is not weak in my eyes, he is a freaking warrior, he is the strongest man I have ever known. He is now and always will be my calm in a storm, the laughter that lightens up the dark of depression I struggle with, he is my partner in this battle called life. He is my true north! The one person that has always been the strong one that guides and evens me out. He is my hero!