Dinner? Drinks? Cake?

There are a few things that women endure both for our peace of mind as well as our loved ones peace of mind.

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One of these things is a harsh, cold, vice like breast smashing with a strange technician grabbing hand fulls (if you are like all woman in my family you have plenty to grab) of boob with her glacier chilled hands. Otherwise know as a mammogram.

Oh yes that sweet little torture device they use to take a lovely set of perky (stop laughing, stop freaking laughing!!!) double Ds and turn them into book shaped floobs. (Making you have to roll those puppies back up from the floor and stuff them into that over the shoulder boulder holder).

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And then comes the awkwardness of trying to not look the technician in the eye, as they are trying to manipulate your second base, like they are made like Gumby. In your mind, whether you want to admit it out loud, you think “this chick has now touched your boobs more than your husband has in too freaking long of awhile.” And then she speaks to you, asking about the family. And I think…”No don’t talk to me that makes things wicked awkward!” (Stupid tiny town everyone knows every one else and their mothers). You try not to blush. She then says ” stand really still and hold your breath” and if you are a sarcastic butt like me you make a juvenile remark like “I didn’t know boobs breathed”. Yeah she didn’t get that corny joke either.

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She then does the front boob xray and tells you to turn to the side. Oh joy once wasn’t good enough, they have to also get it from the side, while you hold your other boob out of the way. I akin this to Moses parting the sea!

And trust me when I tell you that by then This⬇is how you feel

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Because a dude created this (thankfully) but all you can think of is punching that dude in the wiener! And whether you say it aloud….which May have done or not ….you will think it.

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By now your opposite boob is thinking… Run dang it, run before that happens to me! But you don’t, you grit your teeth and let the technician do her job and think “this crap should come with a coupon for a free dinner, drinks, cake, movie, popcorn, spa date…..
If you’re smart you call your mate/honey and say “babe this chick totally got all up on 2nd base… And you’re going to buy me dinner for it!!!

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Freshly squeezed, by a vice, if I had implants, they would have shot out my nips. Give me pie at the very least! Or a pat on the butt for a good job, goooo team!

And they don’t even give ya cake!

( I am not making light of the seriousness of cancer. I have lost family members to it. I have seen many friends fight it sadly lost a few as well. But if it wasn’t for positive out looks when dealing with the seriousness of this terrorist, you lose quicker. )

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9 thoughts on “Dinner? Drinks? Cake?

  1. I have very cystic breasts, and EVERY time, I am told they will also have to do a sonogram, which gives a clearer picture. So WHY NOT ONLY DO THE SONOGRAM, ASSHOLE?!!!! I hate doctors. And you’re right…they SHOULD give you cake! I hope your boobs have bounced back:)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The one with the mass in it is still sore, but the other is fine. This was my 3rd in a year but they are a pain every time. And you’re right they put me through both as well. One or the other should be plenty!

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  2. I loves this post so much!!! I need to go to the boob crusher too. I’ve been putting it off and I had to have very hot Dr convince me to go. I’ll be taking your very funny, tongue and cheek story with me. I want a five course meal, cake, and a magnum of wine after my monogram. It’s a wonderful idea, I’m penciling a date night on the calendar right after. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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