My Heart Ached

My husband and I stopped by the grocery Tuesday. We were walking through the store, getting what we needed. As
we came around a end cap of the aisle we both physically and emotionally stumbled. Walking up the aisle, carrying a tiny stuffed animal was this absolutely adorable little boy. He was giggling, in that perfectly infectious laughter that only children have. The kind of laughter than when you hear it, no matter what child it comes from, it makes your very soul smile.
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We both at the same time sighed huge sighs. Then looked at each other. Yet we didn’t say anything. We both knew that we shared the very same thought. So there were no need for words.

We miss our son being that age and we both have wished the same wish we have had since our son was little. That we could have another just like him. But despite our tries we cannot.

As parents nothing, but our children, can elicit such emotions. The fear, the absolute joy and happiness, the sadness. They bring us pure love, exhaustion, frustrations, beautifully laced chaos and happiness.
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Our son, our miracle child is 12 and growing like a weed. In fact this morning as he wrapped his arms around me, as he always does in our morning hug. I looked at him and realized in the last week he has actually grown the last few inches to officially be as tall as his mama.
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They grow up so very fast.

And as we stood there smiling at this adorable little boy and his mother, our hearts and souls ached. Because we will never again get to experience a child of our own being at this beautiful stage of childhood. Knowing that as much as we wish, as hard as we have tried, and we will never get to have anymore children.

My heart ached.

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6 thoughts on “My Heart Ached

  1. Oh those poignant moments that sneak up on us. Those moments that can reach inside us and bring such a bittersweet ache to our hearts. I have those moments when I look at the bundle of adorable that is Karris…..So much like her mother that it brings me both amazing pleasure and at times unbearable pain.

    And then….a few mornings ago Josiah comes in and wakes me because he had had a bad dream about me and as he fought back tears asking me if I was ok I got to once again like so often in the past reassure him that I was fine. In that moment I caught a glimpse of my baby boy and as he hugged me and went back to bed I hugged my pillow tight and let my tears flow unchecked.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel the same. You know how much I consider all our kids as my babies. I am so proud of the people they have become. And ache that we will never be tucking our noses into their little necks and smell that beautiful baby smell. Cuddle up and feel their breath in our chest. Just everything.

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  2. I loved every moment of this beautiful story. I too have felt this ache when my son was 3. I was struggling with infertility and desperate to give my son a sibling. A year passed and I was blessed to do so. I will never forget those conversations with my oldest of wanting to have someone else for him to love. It tore at my heartstrings, and I do believe your son is a very blessed boy to have parents that love and adore him. He may just bless you with many Grandchildren and fill your home and heart with that precious laughter you long to hear and babies you wish to cuddle. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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